Parents, Hang in There!
Parenting is a roller coaster sometimes; well, let’s be honest… a lot of times. One day you’re having a great conversation with your teen about life and faith, and the next you’re having to discipline them for being on their phone when they weren’t supposed to be.
Parenting is awesome. It was about a month ago and I had a chance to have a great conversation and follow up with one of my kids who was reading John 3. They were wondering what it meant to be born of water and spirit. Cool conversation to have with your teen!
Parenting is hard. Just this last week I was attending one of my kid’s basketball games. I generally try to follow the rule of no criticism following a game. Yikes, this is hard! My child started venting their own frustrations with their game and what did I find myself doing? Yep, the very thing I was convinced I shouldn’t; I shared my “thoughts” about the game. Our kids are not the only ones who fall short in families; parents, including myself, are guilty as well.
This past week I was reading in Romans 8, certainly a hefty and deep theological passage of Scripture. Within this text, we see the tension between the Spirit and the flesh and the freedom that we find in Christ. This is important to remember as disciples. It’s also good to remember as parents.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh,[b] God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.[c] And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. - Romans 8:1-4
I recently stumbled across the below article and wanted to pass it on to any of our readers who are parents. You are still the #1 influence in your kid’s life, which means there is a high importance placed on priorities, discipline, conversations, and faith development. Blessings as you continue to parent with wisdom, fortitude, and grace.
Pastor Bryce
How Can Parents Balance Being Both Firm and Approachable?
By Adam Griffin (Crossway.org)
An Impossible Balance
For parents, having a balance of things is what makes parenting feel impossible. The best parenting advice you might get is, Always to be involved in your kid’s life. And then someone can just as easily say, Don’t be overinvolved in your kid’s life. Don’t overreact, but don’t underreact. Be firm but not scary. Be friendly but not their buddy. Before you know it, they’ve drawn a picture for you that is an extremely narrow way to be a perfect parent, by which you will never get it exactly right.
So how should parents think about it? They should think about it not so much as a pendulum that swings back and forth, but ask, How can I do this in a way where I am constantly having to make a decision where this time I do something different than last time? Maybe I try to be a little bit stern here and a little bit friendlier there, but then give myself a break, knowing I can’t get this exactly right.
When I beat myself up for not getting it exactly right, I’m actually making matters worse. A good example might be for a picky eater. Sometimes I make them try something new, and sometimes I say, It’s okay if you eat something that you like, because I don’t want you to starve to death.
And so for that, the parent has to make some decisions where they go, Sometimes I’ll do it like this, and sometimes I’ll do it like that. There’s rarely a time when we say, No problem. Always do it like this. Here’s the exact right balanced way to not overreact and not underreact, to be firm enough but not be scary. It is rare to thread that needle. You’ll have to go circumstance by circumstance and ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance.
And then where you feel like you’ve messed up, you’ll be able to repent and say, That’s not going to cling to me. I get to walk free because of the grace of God. But if you try to thread that needle and get it exactly right, you’re going to end up with a lot of guilt and shame. You’re going to have a chance every day to beat yourself up for what you could have done better.
The truth is, we can always do better. What we want to do, as a person set free, is say if I'm insulting, tormenting, regretting, resenting over my mistakes, then I am leaning into something that sounds like what the Accuser would have me believe. But if I’m going to listen to the Advocate—if I’m going to listen to Jesus Christ—then I’m going to know I am set free from the things that would otherwise cling to me. I want to cast off the sin that Hebrews says "so easily entangles" so that I can run the race that’s marked out for me.
That’s what I want for parents. When we’re leaning into sin or even foolishness, that we cast that off sin to run the race marked out for us. And when it’s not marked out, we just use our best version of wisdom to ask, How will I do this today? How can I do this better?
If you’d like to read more about this topic, grab Adam’s book, “Good News for Parents: How God Can Restore Our Joy and Relieve Our Burdens.” This book provides parents with a gospel-centered perspective to navigate the challenges of parenting. With this hope, they can embrace their role with peace and confidence, trusting that Jesus is renewing both them and their children day by day.
Blessings,
Bryce
